Buen dia mi gente, and welcome to La Vida Más Chévere de Childfree Latinas, the only Spanglish podcast for childfree Latinas y Latines helping us liberate ourselves from the toxic cultural brainwashing we all grew up with so that we can design our best lives, instead. I'm your host and resident childfree Latina Paulette Erato. Hey, do you like sex or do you think it's naughty or too taboo to talk about? Do you still have some hangups about it, maybe, or even some trouble orgasming? Then today you're in for a treat, my friend. Our guest today is future doctora Ana Lopez, and we're talking all about sex. She's also a childfree Latina, but that portion of the interview is for the super cheveritas. Wanna become a super cheverita? There's a link in the show notes for you to do just that. And unlike having children, it's free. So who is Ana Lopez? She's a proud Latina, sexologist, certified sex and life coach, and a smut consultant. Don't worry, she's gonna explain what all of those things are. She's also the owner of Sex in Spanglish, whose mission is to provide culturally relevant sex education that centers the individual and their personal desires and values, while shifting the sex negative narratives that pose as a barrier to true guilt free pleasure. Mm. I love it, and if this conversation sounds similar to the one I had with Rena Martine about shame, you'd be right. Both Ana and Rena are on missions to eradicate shame from your sexual experience. If you haven't heard that episode yet, it's number 40 and I'll link it in the show notes. Also, before we start, I gotta give you a quick apology. I got new headphones and I used those to record this episode. But apparently they overrode my microphone settings and did something kind of shitty to the audio. I tried to fix it as much as possible and also cut out a lot of me talking so we could just focus on Ana and the sex obviously. So I hope it doesn't bother you too much. I promise I'm never gonna do that again. I told you that we're gonna be talking about sex, but also we very lightly touch on the topic of rape as well, not graphically by any stretch of the imagination, but I did want you to go in forewarned. So let's go meet Ana. Hola Ana Lopez! Soon to be Doctora Ana Lopez. I can't wait till you tell us all about that. Ana, why don't you tell us all about you and what is a sexologist? So my name is Ana Lopez. Hello. I am a sexologist, sex coach, and smut consultant. So I feel like a lot of people don't know what any of those terms means. So I'll say them all, but essentially I'm the owner of Sex in Spanglish, so that is my sex coaching practice. I also have a podcast by the same name, Sex in Spanglish, where I work with Latinas to enjoy sex sin vergüenza. So learning how to enjoy sex without the shame, the awkwardness, the embarrassment that tends to come with it due to our cultural upbringings, both culturally as in like ethnicity wise and also like in wherever we were raised, right? So I think that plays an important role as well, or a huge role in how we show up in the bedroom. So sexology is essentially researching sex. So if you think of like biology, right? It's the study of the body, right? So sexology is the study of sex and not just like, I'm not watching people have sex, right? Unless I'm watching porn, right? That's not what I'm doing. The study of sex is essentially researching different aspects of the field of sexology, which is like pleasure. It can be different identities within sex. It could be kinks. Fetishes. I specifically focus on research amongst Latinos, particularly states-based Latinos, and I'm currently doing my dissertation on, it, it's called a systematic review. So it's essentially I'm reviewing what's already out there in terms of research. Who's conducting it? What are the biases, what's missing? And really what are their points of views and things like that. So that's what I'm doing in terms of sexology. So I'm essentially a researcher of sex. And then when it comes to, no pun intended when it comes to, uh, uh, sex coaching, I work with Latinas specifically. Actually. I have clients all across the spectrum of all ethnicities, races, different identities, but I market to Latinas, but everybody just wants to talk about sex. So that's fine. But I predominantly work with Latinas to enjoy sex sin vergüenza and so we really, I really take a holistic approach to my coaching. And so what I do is I really talk about what are your thoughts about sex and what did you hear growing up? Because you probably still have those thoughts like rumbling around in your brain, and I wanna show you how those thoughts are impacting you. Today. I just did a, a podcast recording the other day about this saying of like, so in Spanish, like, a mi no me pidas nada. Or like, don't ask me for shit when we go to the store, like whatever it is, right? That seems okay, that has nothing to do with sex. But that leads a lot of us to not ask for what we want. So when it comes to sex, what are we doing? Not asking for what we want. And so I really like making those connections with people, not only because it helps them to enjoy sex, which is like one of my main goals in life is to get people enjoying sex without shame, right? But it also helps bring in compassion both for yourself of like, this is exactly why you're showing up in the bedroom this way, even though you know you don't want to, and you acknowledge that and you hate it, but you do it anyway. So it allows you to provide like some compassion for yourself, but also for your culture and for your parents, your guardians, grandparents, whoever it was. Because a lot of times when you recognize, oh, I was taught wrong, or I was taught in a way that isn't beneficial for me. And it is actually perpetuating these sex negative narratives that I'm like playing out in my life, we can get really upset with the people around us, with religion, with whoever it was that told us those messages. And like, sure we can be mad, we can be upset, that's fine. But I don't want y'all holding grudges because that's not helpful for anybody, including your sex life. And so it really shows some compassion for those people or those organizations in your life if you still wanna have a relationship with them. And then in terms of smut consulting, I work with authors who write sex scenes. And so my whole goal with that is one, I love reading smut, so I'm like, this is just a way for me to do a hobby as a career. But I'm also able to, basically, my goal with it is to get writers more comfortable writing sex scenes, because a lot of authors, contrary to popular belief, they wanna write about sex. Even the ones that are already writing about sex. They're like writing about sex, but it's like uncomfortable for them, particularly if they've experienced trauma, which who hasn't. We've all experienced some type of trauma, sexual or not. And so it's really about getting them more comfortable and empowering them to write sex in a way that feels good for them in the way that they really want to. Because a lot of them are censoring themselves for fear of perpetuating sex negative narratives, for fear of traumatizing someone else or retraumatizing themselves. And so I really help them to work through that, but also I'm trying to build a community of authors where writers are not perpetuating sex negative narratives. It is so easy to write a rape scene and not even know that you're doing it. Like I think authors most of the time have the best intention, especially authors of color and other marginalized identities, have the best intentions. But a lot of times, because you are not educated in sex in the way that I am, you are not seeing it through that lens. It just sounds sexy. And it's really about semantics and like the way that you word it and the information that you're providing about your characters and all of that. And so I essentially help them not get canceled and write really sexy sex scenes that are also sex positive and not perpetuating all of this like stereotypical bullshit that we don't wanna read. That is fascinating. I don't even know where to start. Let's keep talking about the smut because there, okay. This is clearly a need. Some smut writers are better than others. Yes. And some are really dry. And some are just really bad. So back to your point where you said that some people don't even realize they're writing rape scene, and it's because we view almost everything in this world through the male gaze, right? Yes. I just worked with a client, I don't wanna put too much of her work out there, but essentially she had two characters that were in this position, which I feel like this is a very common trope. I actually dunno what people call it, lit words. I know nothing, but I know it when I read it. So it's a very common trope where two characters, they want each other. But there's like this tension of it's, oh, it's like forbidden. I don't want it, but also I want it at the same time. So she had two characters, the main characters, and that's what was happening. And so we talked about like, how can you make it very obvious that there's like tension in the relationship and the characters at this point are having sex, right? So it's, there's like this push and pull of, oh, this is forbidden. I shouldn't be having sex with this person. But I also really want to, and that is a very slippery slope into rape because if you're saying no, the scene should stop. However, if there is like a caveat to that of, I know I shouldn't be doing this, but I really want to, it's just something as small as that can really save the scene. Because essentially, and again, people are gonna say that this is semantics, but it's true. And it does play out in real life where someone says no, and then the scene continues, and that is not okay. Either In real life or on paper. If someone is telling you, no, I don't care how long you've known them, you need to stop. And so we need to get better about saying what we mean and meaning what we say. I think this is very common in the United States of talking in this flowery language. And like when it comes to consent, absolutely not. If there is, if it's not a hell yes, my partner makes fun of me, because I'm always like, if it's not a hell yes, he's like, why does it have to be hell yes? Why can't it be a yes? I'm like, no, because it needs to be enthusiastic. Because a yes can also be because it was manipulative. Right? It needs to be mm-hmm. An excited, yes, absolutely. This is what I wanna do. And so, we've gotten into this place of where it's, oh, I can just assume that they mean yes. No, that is absolutely not okay. And no one wants to hear that, like they've assaulted someone because there wasn't any consent. No one wants to hear that and they're like, like they had sex before. Like we, we kind of wanna tiptoe around it. I'm like, no. If it's not a hell yes, it's a no. And if you still had sex, when you are questioning, that's assault. I don't care if they decide to continue having sex with them or not. I don't care if you're in a relationship or not. I don't care if you're married. It does not matter. That is assault. Whether or not that was the intention, that's what it is, because this whole gray area is why sexual assault is so common. People are assaulting people and don't even know that they're doing it, and that's really fucking sad. And people are getting assaulted and don't even know that they're being assaulted, and that's really fucking sad. That's what I wanna change with the writing, because a vast majority of our messages come from the media. So if we can start with the writing that we're reading of, oh, this is what it looks like to have a healthy sexual relationship because, let's be real, we're, it's not gonna be in schools ever, unfortunately, from my, at least in our lifetime, right? Like the way that sex ed needs to change in schools or in homes is probably not gonna happen overnight. It's probably not gonna happen in my lifetime. I've come to terms with that, that is fine. But if I can change the way that media is written, that is presumably gonna be on this planet longer than I am, then I'm leaving that mark of, okay, people can see this relationship and thi this is a healthy way to have sex, even though it's fiction. No, that's where it starts. So much of our messaging comes from the media, right? Books are media. Books are media. We are consuming them, and they are our models for behavior. They say reading fiction is what creates empathy in a person. Mm-hmm. Being able to put yourself in these situations you would not otherwise experience. So to actually have healthy dynamics play out for you to consume. Yes. That's how people are going to learn. They're not gonna get that kind of education in schools or at home, like you said, because we all carry some weird shame or weird ideas or that we don't realize are weird. I'm, and I'm air quoting that. Because like you said, we are so unaware sometimes of just a tiny little word change or a little in insertion or omission in a dialogue that suddenly changes the landscape and makes things feel safer. Absolutely. While you were talking, I was reflecting back on, I don't know if you remember with when Aziz Anzari was canceled because he was with a woman who did not feel comfortable saying no to him. But afterwards, she felt wrong about the way things went down. And it goes back to that gray area you mentioned. Where did either person actually feel safe in the situation? They clearly, someone did not feel that they could stop the situation. And so someone ends up feeling hurt, scared and vulnerable, but no one in the situation was given the tools to actually have that conversation. And where would they learn that? Because our media doesn't provide that, our schools don't provide that. So that's excellent that you are able to give that kind of service. Can I ask if we know anyone that you would've worked with? Yeah, I don't think so. But my goal is to get into all of the, we'll call 'em baby writers, for lack of a better term. My goal is really, I mean, if you wanna write better sex scenes, let's talk. I don't care who you are. I used to be a tutor and I used to love the, the kids that needed the most help. I love working with authors that are like, I know nothing because I feel like I can mold them and I'm starting from the beginning. I also love authors that like, I don't wanna say they're writing a shitty, but their sex is shitty. It like either doesn't make sense or their intention is there, but they're just missing the mark. I don't know, I guess I love a good project. But getting in on the ground floor with novice writers is such a wonderful gift to be able to give them, to tackle this, again, weird topic. Everyone is a product of sex. It shouldn't be weird to talk about. It's fun. I got a roommate once who was like, it's like a tennis game. You just get to have fun and exercise. But at the same time, we've made it into such a, oh no, no podemos hablar de eso. It's our shame, toda esta vergüenza is just wrapped up in it. And who does that serve? No one. The powers that be. The patriarchy. Exactly. It's huge toxic norm. I am so excited that this exists for people. I'm tired of reading shitty sex. So you study sex and you coach people to be able to have it without shame. What does that look like for someone? I noticed that a lot of people are basing, which it makes sense by the way. So if this is you, I wanna let you know that it makes sense. But a lot of us, particularly because we haven't been educated about sex or we've been miseducated about sex, usually a combination of two. We are looking to other people of what is it supposed to look like? What is it supposed to feel like? What is it supposed to be like this, that, and the other. And I think as women specifically, I predominantly coach women, is we are socialized in that way in general to look outside of us. We need a partner to be complete. We need children to be complete. We need the career we need. There's always something outside of us. Anytime that there is something like we have an issue, it's because of something that we don't have, which is essentially leading us to believe that we are not enough. How many men do you know, have that thought? Granted, there are some men that have that thought, that said, women are socialized to believe that they are not enough. And it's very indirectly. It's, oh, no eres nada if you don't have a partner, if you don't have kids, if you don't have X, Y, Z. Right? So the way that impacts us is, oh, so we're not enough. So if I'm not experiencing pleasure, then I need a man. Usually is the message that I need a man to do that for me. And I absolutely love that this is gonna be very like, binary gender norm speaking. But it's like that we were in a place that we're talking about the quote unquote female orgasm. That is great. But what is happening is now it's, oh, you can have that, but you can only have that if you have the man. It's very much like outside of us. And so what I am doing is, going back to the question, is really figuring out, like bringing it back to my client of what is pleasure for you specifically? Because you are the only one that knows what that feels like because you are the only one in your body. So what does that feel like for you both sexually and not? And how can you create that for yourself because it does come from you. It doesn't come from anybody else. They just happen to be there. I always tell my clients that the, the pleasure that I experience during sex is the exact same pleasure that I experience when I'm eating tacos from the taquería down the street. It's the same thing. Like pleasure is essentially enjoyment which is just an emotion. It just happens to be happening, one's in my mouth and one's in my vagina. Two different places, but it's the same experience. It just feels a little bit differently because it's in a different body part. And that's okay. So in terms of getting rid of the shame and getting them to enjoy sex sin vergüenza, it's really about identifying what pleasure looks like for them. Getting them to talk about sex, because that's why it's so shameful because we don't talk about it. Notice how all the top, like the taboo topics, they all have shame attached to them, but nobody talks about them. So they keep breeding more shame, like shame breeds in the shadows, right? Money, politics, religion, right? All of the things that we're not supposed to talk about, they are bred in the shadows. They're bred by us not talking about them. And so I give my clients the space and opportunity to talk about these things and to normalize that this is a normal conversation. I talk about sex, it's like I'm talking about what I had for lunch. And I want my clients to do the same. And so really just giving them that space to talk about it. And also reconciling like what are the thoughts that I have? What do I believe specifically about sex that is different than the thoughts that are hanging around in my head, I call it the mom voice of what your mom told you growing up. Your Grandma. Tías. Religious organization, school, your friends. Your ex-boyfriend, whatever it was. Like, is that your voice or is that their voice and really deciphering? So ultimately, long answer short, it's really coming back to them and bringing out of them, what is it that you believe? What is it that you want? What is it that you desire? You are shaking foundations here. There is so much that has been built on this idea that women are not allowed pleasure. That if we do have pleasure, we're whores or some, uh, insert your own slur here. And yet men are not boxed in by any of that. They're not anchored to shame in that way. Again, only in service of the patriarchy! Right. And if we're talking about the binary, which is what Project 2025 wants from us, right? Mm-hmm. They wanna just forget that other sexes and other expressions exist. Men and women, not cool. But they only want men to have pleasure and women to breed. And why can't women enjoy sex too? If that's what you want, why can't women get enjoyment out of it too? What does that take away from the patriarchy? Women having joy? This is such a good question. I love this question. Yeah. And then the rest of everyone, to include everyone in that equation. Yeah. Some men don't enjoy sex. Yeah. We don't talk about that, but some people don't need the penis to have an orgasm. A lot of of don't, so. Right, exactly. Let's talk about it. Yeah. As I mentioned, pleasure comes from within, and the reason why they don't want women to have pleasure is because if you're downtrodden, if you are not enjoying yourself, your emotional capacity is not gonna be there. Your logic is not gonna be on point. And so it's very easy to manipulate you. It is very easy to get you to say yes to things that you don't wanna say yes to simply because you are so distracted. If you imagine a person, even if you've never been through depression yourself. If you imagine someone that's been like super sad or super depressed, they're just really out of it. Their logic isn't necessarily there. And this is also true of people that like if we bring in traditional gender roles and people that are forcing themselves, specifically women forcing themselves, to conform to those roles that they don't wanna conform to, and the uneven labor and all of that. The mental load that women take on, it's like the more that we throw at you, the easier it is to access you. And I don't mean access like sexually, which yes, that's probably a part of it. But also in other ways. Basically what they wanna do in short, is to break you down so that you can conform to what it is that they want to conform you to. They don't want you enjoying yourself. This is why racial slurs and all of those things, a lot of people are like, those are just words, but guess what? This is why abuse is a thing. If you told your child or told your your significant other, if you told them every single day that they were stupid. Every single day or whatever other thing you wanted to tell them, eventually that would have an impact on them. And studies show that is true. That's why abuse is a thing, y'all. Somehow we've gotten into this place where people are convinced that's not a thing and words don't matter, but they really do. They do. Otherwise, and I always tell my partner this because he swears words don't matter, but I'm like, okay, then I can go around calling you a bitch all day. No, you would be so pissed off and like you wouldn't wanna be with me anymore. And I'm not gonna do that, but proves my point. Words matter. And for that specific reason, that's why socialization is actually a thing. Socialization exists because it's repeated messages over and over again, telling you that you're not worthy, you are not enough. And all of that is leading you to not enjoy yourself, to not experience pleasure, and then you're just like, fuck it. It doesn't matter. Anyways, I don't enjoy myself. So yeah, your wish is my command. I'm gonna do whatever the fuck you want. That doesn't sound like a great experience in life. And all because a woman being happy and knowing herself and finding joy in whatever, sex or otherwise, is a threat to the patriarchy. That's crazy that the patriarchy is so fragile. Yeah. That a woman enjoying an orgasm in the privacy of her own home can topple it. So maybe our weapons for this fight are to just continue having orgasms. It is. Yes, because when we are connected to our bodies, guess what we're doing? We're not settling for shitty sex. We are not settling for mediocre, or shitty for that matter, medical care. We are speaking up for what we want, both in the bedroom and out. My work, obviously I think it's important. Otherwise I wouldn't be doing it. But like my work starts in the bedroom. There are other people that are doing things that are outside of the bedroom. But I like to start again, I like a project. Sex is one of the hardest things to get through, and so if you can own your pleasure in the bedroom in one of the most vulnerable positions that you can be in butt ass naked sometimes, then like do whatever the fuck you want. Which is how revolutions happen. Anytime a revolution has been started because of a woman, it is because they were speaking up. They were willing to go against the grain for the, the betterment of society, their culture, their gender, what have you. And it is those people, if you look back, it is the people that didn't go with the norm. Mm-hmm. They were willing to speak out against, Frida Kahlo being one of them. Right. That's the first person that comes to mind. She, she was smoking, she was dressing like a man, like gasp, clutching my pearls. Right. And I'm not saying y'all have to do that. Like you can, I cook dinner. Almost every night. That is like a traditional gender role. But I like doing it so I do it, but the fact that I own it versus forcing myself to do it two completely different things. Mm-hmm. And so when we can like, no, I'm doing this because I wanna do it, not because someone told me to do it, whatever that is. When we allow ourselves to experience pleasure, that gives us energy that we think that we don't have. A lot of y'all currently don't have energy because you are forcing yourself to do things that you don't wanna do, and it feels shitty. Sex included. That is true. That is true. You mentioned something earlier about how when you're going to the store, no me pidan nada. How you show up for one thing is how you show up for all things, right? Yes. So, if you're not giving yoruself empowerment or voice outside of this vulnerable space, how can you possibly feel safe and feel empowered in the vulnerable place? It doesn't have to be sex, no sex. It can be in a review with your boss at work. Mm-hmm. That's a vulnerable situation because there's a power imbalance. Feeling empowered even to just choose your own clothing or choose whether or not you have children or choose what you want to eat, cascades over into all the places of our lives, right? Not just sex. So I think it's really important that we focus on the fact that while you work from a sex positive lens, that empowerment is so necessary for all the areas of our lives. And it doesn't start or end with sex, but that is such a crucial component. What about people who just don't want to have sex? I feel like when I say pleasure every, I'm not saying that this is what you are doing. Mm-hmm. I feel like a vast majority of people are like, oh, sex, which great, because I'm a sex coach. So yes, let your mind go there. That's fine. But when I say pleasure, what I mean is just like pure enjoyment. Like again, the enjoyment and the pleasure that I experience with my partner or by myself when I'm having sex, is the exact same pleasure that I can experience eating tacos or hanging out with friends. It is really just an emotion that I experience. And we've been led to believe that like the pleasure comes to us because of something that is happening, and I really don't believe that to be true. This is a very common saying of happiness comes from within. Pleasure comes from within too. Like it's generated by the thoughts that we are having, right? And we can generate that for ourselves, even if you don't wanna have sex. And to me it's really about getting in tune with your body and knowing your body. And how do you generate pleasure even if you never have sex again? Presumably you wanna experience pleasure in some capacity. And I always tell my clients that while I want you to have the best sex life ever, whatever that looks like for you, even if you never have sex again, I want you to be in tune with your body because I want you to experience pleasure, whether it's sexual or otherwise. And I want you to be able to advocate for yourself when needed. Presumably at the doctors, the first thing that I can think of, but there may be other scenarios where you need to advocate for your body as well. That's key right there. The self-advocacy, I've had a few guests on who have had a rough road getting to that. In specifically medical situations, and again, just part of the whole patriarchal landscape, women are dismissed, our opinions are dismissed. The advocacy, again in that vulnerable situation, the power imbalance between you and a doctor, and having to find your voice. I know I have found myself in situations where, I went to a new gynecologist and she just started yelling the word cancer out. Because of my age, cancer doesn't run in the family, and I've never had any problems up to now. Why did you jump there? Why was that the first thing that came to mind? And this was with another woman doctor, so I really resonate with what you were talking about there, about advocating for yourself. And again, it starts with being in tune with your body. Mm-hmm. It turns out I don't have cancer. Yay. So what was the point of all of that? Yeah, yeah. It put me in a worried position. So now my central nervous system is going haywire when the world is already on fucking fire. But when you are on the receiving end of something scary and you're not in tune with yourself or knowing how to use your voice. Even being able to say the words, I need more information, or just say you are scaring me, felt like a big leap. And I consider myself to feel very powerful in my voice, right? I have this podcast, we talk about taboo subjects on this show. I'm constantly ranting about the patriarchy and even I still have my moments where I feel at a disadvantage. How do you empower your clients there? So it's definitely coming back to their bodies, and it's all about practice because the vast majority of us are not well versed in doing so. We don't practice having these conversations because we're not supposed to talk about them. Not only are we not supposed to talk about sex in. Quotes, right? Not supposed to talk about sex, but we're also not supposed to talk about our bodies because they've been sexualized. So God forbid I mention anything about a period, God forbid I mention anything about like anything in my nether region, because that is like, that's totally off limits because we've sexualized it so much. But it's a part of your body. It is normal. And so really my work is like normalizing that. I almost think of it as this is totally not exposure therapy, but I really like to think of it as like exposure therapy. Like the more that you talk about things, the more normal it becomes. In the same way, when you first started driving, it felt awkward. Sure, you had been in a car before, but you'd never driven it before. The same thing with riding a bike but the more you do it, the more normal it becomes. It's the same thing. It's really just about practice. While also I, tapping into your body. Doing that scary thing of paying attention to your body. I also think there's this really common misconception. I also think that this is something that the patriarchy wants us to believe, is that they know better than we do. And so like mm-hmm, you don't know your body. I do, right? Mm-hmm. It's like, no. So then we're walking around believing we know nothing about our body, so then it's like a confirmation bias. But when I ask my clients, okay, let's start with what you do know about your body. They know quite a bit about their bodies. Or if I make, for lack of better term, I'll make like an assumption, right, about something they might be experiencing. They're very easily and readily able to tell me, actually that's not it. I don't know quite what it is that I'm experiencing, but that's not it. That tells me that you've recognized that something's happening. You just haven't put words to it quite yet, which tells me that you have the capacity to do that with other people as well, and it's really just about practice. I also think, and I'm Mexican, so I will say in Mexican culture, but presumably in other communities of color as well, and maybe other marginalized populations, there is this idea that doctors specifically, and like whatever they say is word. And that's just what it is. And I think that a lot of people don't recognize that they have a say in their healthcare. That they are able to push back a little bit to ask questions, right? But you don't know what you don't know. And so my work is really providing an opportunity for my clients to get to know their body so that they can tell their doctor, actually, this is what my specific body does. Because your doctor is not a professional in your body. Your doctor's professional in medical science. That's what they went to school for. They didn't go to school for Sally May's body or whoever it is. That's such a good point about practicing 'cause it's a skill, right? Mm-hmm. Feeling empowered and being able to speak for yourself and advocate for yourself is simply a skill and it needs to be practiced. Thank you for saying that out loud. Because when do we practice having that conversation? It can feel weird. It's cringey, and yet how are you going to be prepared? Because you don't rise to an occasion, you fall to your level of training. So train yourself. Right. To have these conversations. And so people can hire you for that. Totally. Yeah. I have practice conversations with my clients all the time, and it's actually something that I practice myself. I absolutely adore my doctor. She's great. She's a chatty Cathy. I'm a chatty Cathy. We go be chatty Cathy's together. I know that she's willing to listen and I still practice what it is that I wanna say to her. I make sure that I fully understand what's going on in my brain before I go and have a conversation. And this is another thing that we don't do, and I feel like this is the vast majority of people in the world, is we don't know how to effectively manage our emotions. And so we're like, oh, I we're like in the moment and we dunno what to say and so that's just an added layer. So when you can prepare for the conversation of, this is exactly what I wanna say. Even if you get anxious, even if you get scared or whatever other emotion might arise at the doctor's office, which is very common by the way, or in a conversation with whoever. You already know you have your little note card, either physically or in your brain, of this is what I wanted to say, this is what I wanted to share. I already know what I'm thinking. You're not having to do two things at once because a lot of us are trying to tend to our nervous system when we dunno how. Or we are trying to process our emotions in the moment when we also dunno how, while also trying to figure out what we wanted to say in the first place. So when we can come in prepared with a conversation, I know that sounds weird, but it works so. Do what works right? Like I'm all for doing weird as long as it works. So when we can come in prepared with that conversation, then the emotions don't have that much of a punch. And I also work with my clients on learning to experience those emotions in a way that they're able to process them and they're not just shoving them under the rug because they don't go anywhere. Contrary to popular belief. Yeah, they fester. Yes. When you're crying because you missed the yellow light, when you're like blowing up because you spilled a glass of water, that is an indication that you've been holding in your emotions. Another one! When you are crying during orgasm or a hard workout, during yoga. Another very common one is if your baseline is like anxious and basically your nervous system is always activated, if you feel high after yoga or a meditation or a massage, even if you feel super high, like to the point that you're like, I dunno that I can drive right now. Or I don't know that it's safe right now, that is an indication that your nervous system is regularly activated instead of regularly regulated. And word to the wise, pay attention to these things. This is why being in tune with your body is so important, because if that is you, like we need to talk to get you to a baseline where you're regulated most of the time. Yeah. Ooh, wow. Why am I in this conversation? No, that was excellent. Thank you so much, Ana. Popping back in, in case you were wondering. Yes. As I mentioned, Ana is a childfree Latina. Curiously, though she's not an avidly childfree person because she is open to the idea of being a mom if it happens. This is the first time I've interviewed someone with that stance. So if you'd like to hear that part of the interview, it'll live over where the super cheveritas exists in Substack. Check it out in the show notes, and while you're there, you can subscribe to receive those posts directly in your inbox. It's like a newsletter and a blog had a baby, but it's a childfree baby. Anyway. Back to our conversation. I think that the path to being a healthy, happy human being, despite the dumpster fire backdrop that we live in is one, like you said, being in touch with yourself, being in tune with yourself and your body, advocating for yourself, knowing what your lines of consent are, and all of that has to be taught. Yeah. It has to be taught. Or once they're an adult, they can come hire you. Yeah, exactly. How do people find you? Are you taking clients right now? I am. Yeah. I currently have room for one-on-one clients, so if you're looking to enjoy sex sin vergüenza, let's talk. If any of that resonated with y'all. I'm also taking on authors, so if you've got a sex scene in your brain or you're in the process of writing one, let's talk. Oh my God. Ana, thank you so much for being here of, this was so fun. I feel like we barely scratched the surface on all of the wonderful ideas that you have about consent, about autonomy, about being in tune with yourself, and I'd love to have you back in the future. Yeah, yeah, of course. Anything else that you want the audience to know? The parting words, I guess, is that any pleasure that you've ever created, is because of you. And if you don't, if you haven't fully embodied that, we need to talk. Because everything changes once you embody that. Hmm. That's such a delicious statement. Not to turn it into food, but food is pleasure. Like you mentioned. I mean, food is pleasure and that's a burrito. Hey mira, if this episode made you feel some kind of way, dígame. Dm me on Instagram. Or send me a text, you can do that right from your phone. If you wanna be a guest on the show and put your story out there too, check out the guest form on my website at pauletteerato.com/guest. Yep. Just my name, pauletteerato.com/guest. Y no se te olvide que hay más perks when you join the newsletter. Todos estos links en los show notes. Muchísimas gracias for your support y hasta la próxima vez, cuídate bien.