[00:00] Paulette: ¡Buen día mi gente! And welcome to La Vida Más Chévere, the place where Spanglish speaking childfree Latinas y Latines are learning to dismantle the toxic cultural bullshit we all grew up with. I'm your host Paulette Erato.

[00:18] Today is a treat for all of us because instead of actively dismantling the bullshit on the show, we're going to talk about what life after the bullshit can look like. With the first man to ever be on this podcast, Federico Vargas, who also goes by Fede.

[00:34] Before I get into his actual bio, let me tell you why this is an important episode. Fede and I have twin missions, which we didn't even know the first time we met. Call it coincidence or whatever, but I think our paths collided because of our shared goals. The universe knew what was up when we ended up in the same Zoom room.

[00:52] I mean, just compare the name of his podcast, which I'll tell you about in a minute to mine, La Vida Más Chévere. And I hope this episode serves as a shining example of the strength of collaboration and how we can work with each other instead of against one another. A theme I talk about a lot on this show because of the crabs in a bucket mentality that's so prevalent in Latinidad, not to mention capitalism and the patriarchy.

[01:19] So who is this man? Fede Vargas is the host and creator of My Most Authentic Life. Through his podcast, he interviews guests that are living boldly and bravely, people who are daring to take the road less traveled, inspiring and empowering you to create the life that you want. Through his work, Fede celebrates his own transformational life journey, reflecting on his successful career break and 15 plus years in the rat race.

[01:45] When his life was upended by a layoff, and then the pandemic, Fede embarked on a daily practice of reassessing, rewiring, and re-engineering, and in the process unearthed his life's purpose. Through a unique blend of mindset, travel and wellness, his podcast explores the full spectrum of authenticity.

[02:04] Fede is a former senior sales exec in the media and entertainment industry. Born in Mexico and raised in Canada, he's also lived in Europe and traveled extensively across Asia Pacific and Latin America. His mission is to share life stories through his unique global lens. Through his work, he advocates for Latine and LGBTQ causes and raises awareness for marginalized and vulnerable communities. If you're searching for the tools to create the life that you want to live, please tune into my friend's, show My Most Authentic Life.

[02:36] On top of all of that, Fede is also one of, if not the most genuinely nicest people I've ever met. Being around him just makes you feel good, and in this day and age of unbridled cynicism and skepticism with good reason, his energy's a really nice respite from that.

[02:58] After you listen to this episode, I want you to go check out My Most Authentic Life. Because on his latest episode, we switched sides and he interviewed me, which I considered both an honor and a bonus to tag team with this episode. Due to some serious tech issues, this episode's a bit short and we never got around to discussing how he's child free.

[03:18] But no worries, we definitely covered that topic on his show. I'll leave you a link in the show notes, obviously. As we go through this episode, I'll make note of a few other ones that I've produced that echo the same themes that he and I talked about in this one. Check out choosing Yourself as Sanity with Ana Del Castillo and Self-care You Can Do in your PJs, which again will be in the show notes.

[03:40] By the way, you can also enjoy all of these episodes on YouTube now, in addition to joining the community on Substack. Or if you're able to be even a little bit more generous, support the show to keep it ad free. Links for everything will be in the show notes. Since Fede is also a podcaster, we met through this medium in an online group. And then we ran into each other at a podcasting event in Las Vegas, realizing that we have these uncanny parallels in our respective shows and here we are.

[04:10] Enjoy his origin story as he describes what brought him full circle to Vegas, and on a mission to help everyone else live their most authentic lives.

[04:20] Hi, Fede, how are you? Welcome to the show.

[04:23] Fede: Hey, Paulette. Awesome to be here. Thank you for having me.

[04:26] Paulette: I'm so excited to talk to you because we met kind of randomly, right?

[04:30] I don't even remember. Was it like a podcast collab group?

[04:33] Fede: Yes, that's right. I remember the first time we met and it was like, I really wanna stay in touch with this lady. And I was new to the whole podcast collab thing, and then we just kind of like lost touch. But fate brought us back together.

[04:46] Paulette: In Las Vegas of all places. Do you like Vegas?

[04:51] Fede: You know what? It was my first time there in 14 years and talk about things coming full circle. When I started in my previous life as I referred to it, I used to work in the media and entertainment industry for over 15 years. At the early start of my sales career, I had a convention there and it was a kind of like a career defining convention.

[05:13] And I didn't do to the, the Grand Canyon that time because I thought the convention was going to be there every year. And then they switched it up to Miami. So I ended up going to Miami for years. And so this was my very first time going back now wearing my podcasting hat. And it was good to be back symbolically.

[05:32] It was kind of like coming full circle in a way. Starting all over again from scratch, but with 15 years experience.

[05:39] Paulette: I totally get that. I totally get that because I feel the same way. The last time before this I was in Vegas was for a massive citywide conference that I was on the planning team for, so it was exhausting.

[05:51] And I have 13 years experience in that industry. So coming back to just be an attendee in a world that I'm relatively new to too, you know podcasting, was definitely one of those, like the world is weird, but here. We are because in between we've all been locked down. We haven't really been interacting with people.

[06:11] I don't know about you, but I'm still a little awkward. I still feel a little weird talking to people.

[06:16] Yes, absolutely. I, I was catching up with a friend from my previous life earlier today and haven't seen him in the flesh and like probably now we're going close to four years because of the pandemic right, and everything. And I described it to him as kind of coming out of my bunker after the apocalypse and the dust. Two years later, I, well, I moved to Mexico two years ago, two years later, it feels like the dust is still settling. And coming out for fresh air.

[06:46] Yeah. It definitely does feel like, oh wait, is this safe? Am I allowed out? And then you're like, yes, it's safe. I can breathe. And yeah, it's like a whole new world and I'm still figuring out how to navigate it.

[06:57] Fede: Yeah, I completely agree with you. There's still things that feel awkward for sure.

[07:02] Paulette: I hate Vegas. I'm just gonna leave that there. I know people love it and great for them.

[07:07] Fede: I mean, you really feel, but it's funny, the one thing that didn't change with 14 years apart was that the first time I was there for a sales convention, I was booked back to back. I was, you know, relatively new in my career. So I was doing everything plus having a full schedule of meetings. I didn't see daylight, you know, for like the week that we were there because you know, you go through the casino to go to the meetings and then yeah, I went out for dinners and stuff or shows at at night, but, It was all at nighttime.

[07:34] And similarly, this time I found, because I was doing all of the sessions, as many sessions as I could to soak it all up. And one day, like I went to, I saw sunrise and stuff, but.

[07:45] Paulette: Wow. Good for you. Yeah, I didn't really leave the hotel except for the conference event. So Fede and I are talking about the Podcast Movement Evolutions that we joined up at, and where we look at each other, we're like, wait, we know each other.

[07:58] And then it turns out we are both child free Latinos. Fede has his own podcast called My Most Authentic Life. Which goes hand in hand with La Vida Más Chévere.

[08:09] Fede: Absolutely. Yeah.

[08:11] Paulette: So we knew we had to sit down and talk with one another.

[08:14] Fede: You get to be cool. I get to be authentic. I'm not sure which one's better.

[08:18] Paulette: Um, you can be both.

[08:20] They're one and this same. I am authentically cool dude. And obviously so are you. I was listening to your episode where you like looked back on your podcasting journey and you pulled so much good stuff from the people that you interviewed, like the volcano, like the actual volcano sounds and just how awesome and in awe inspiring that must have been to witness.

[08:44] And that was, that actually kind of gave me chills. You do good work, dude.

[08:47] Fede: Oh, thank you. Thank you. That episode, it's funny because it's episode three. Very early on into this journey. Obviously we're always learning, but that's like a dream episode for me to work on because it combined everything. It was an actual experience I'd done, you know, kind of raw audio from the actual volcano climb.

[09:10] It happened at a very important part on my transformational journey. It was, I remember kind of a right in the middle of it, and I knew I had changed radically as a person. And I was doing it with a really dear friend that I had met as part of my new life. When you open your heart and you open your mind, amazing people come into your life.

[09:29] And so everything about that producing that episode for me was really special.

[09:34] Paulette: Yeah, it definitely gave it life and depth to you know, what you were experiencing, so that was really cool to hear. So for all of you listeners, If you're gonna start anywhere, yes. Start with the Volcano episode and go from there when you go listen to Fede's podcast.

[09:50] On his podcast, Fede and I talked about how storytelling is critical to our species. That storytelling is how we've passed on traditions since the dawn of time through oral language, long before we had a written language. And how that tradition is something we're both carrying forward as podcasters.

[10:09] Everyone loves a good story and we're about to drop in on Fede's as the pandemic begins, and he moves from Europe to Mexico. Also, a little later, he's gonna disagree that he's living his best life. You know his La Vida Más Chévere in favor of calling it his most authentic life. And you know what? I truly believe that in order to live your best life, it's also gotta be true to who you are.

[10:30] So what inspired you to even start podcasting?

[10:33] Fede: Yes. Well, you know, I've been thinking about this and it really does go way back in a way, but talking about life coming full circle and every experience that you've had, all coming together. In university, my first year of university was audio production.

[10:50] Back then, I think it was called radio still, and the entire first year was devoted to audio and we produced a weekly radio show and I loved every aspect of it. And then I, you know, I went to the film center to do screenwriting. So storytelling and audio together for me were always a passion. And I ended up staying in the same industry, but the business side, the, the corporate business side paid well and was kind of like a fun lifestyle and that pulled me away.

[11:22] But cut to the pandemic. Perfect storm of factors after 15 plus years my whole life imploded all at once. Everything that you could think about from life, just like upended, including my job. I got laid off. So I came to Mexico for what was, what was to be four week vacation, escaping the pandemic in Europe where I was living at the time.

[11:46] And ready to jump back on the hamster wheel, ready to get back into the rat race. I had my CV polished and you know, potential jobs. And then I arrived in Mexico and I was like, wow. I was like, my life just completely changed. I just don't know exactly, but it's a feel, it was a feeling. So I hired a coach, life transformational coach, and those four weeks, you know, have now turned into two years, but I worked with her for about a year and a half.

[12:15] And through that experience I had disappeared off LinkedIn and Facebook cuz it was, it's healthy to disappear. Right? But then, but Instagram was kind of like my social media platform of choice and I loved it because it's creative too and you can do fun stuff. And people would see all my stories and stuff and posts of me on the Caribbean and in pools and stuff and they're like, wow, you're living your best life.

[12:40] And genuinely there were, you know, people I care about. And I don't mind that term, best life, like, you know, I'll use it too. But at that point it didn't feel like that's what I was living. I'm like, no, no, no. It's not my best life. It's not my best life. And through my coaching work I was working on, you know, revealing my true self, I was like, no, no.

[12:58] I'm like actually living my most authentic life. It's my most authentic life. That's what it is. It's not my best life. And that was like from that was born the title for the podcast.

[13:10] Paulette: Being the token, anything, be it gay, Latine, child free, or any type of Other, can take its toll. And make us code switch in such a way that we bury our true selves. Shedding that way of life, that way of thinking and rewiring ourselves to live authentically, is a process.

[13:30] It's something you have to learn to do and then continuously practice it. Listen as Fede describes how this happened for him. You'll realize that he followed the advice my guest Ana gives in the episode, Choosing Yourself is Sanity, specifically to stop pretzeling and cutting off pieces of himself to fit in a mold that didn't serve him.

[13:50] He'll also talk about his strong Rs and the three pillars he employed in his transformative journey, which we might all wanna take some notes on.

[13:59] Fede: And as a gay Latino working in the corporate culture for, you know, 15 plus years, it was a very open-minded industry now, the media and entertainment industry, but I felt that was just like a corporate headshot.

[14:11] And even with communications, you know, blurbs that I would say in magazines, it wasn't really me shining through. I was like, what's the best way for me to have a platform? And I think it's so important. That's why I'm so happy to be on this podcast and that you have this podcast. My mission in life is now to make sure that we gay, Latino, child free, Latina, is that we have a voice and that we have a platform.

[14:36] And I want to share cool stories cuz I, I interview people from all walks of life on my, on my podcast, right? But that we're the storytellers, we're the ones that are doing the interviewing like you're here and that we're giving other people a platform to tell their stories.

[14:49] Paulette: Yes, yes, absolutely. This is another reason why we had to do this because our missions are so well aligned.

[14:56] My mission to like show the world child free Latinos are not scary. We exist. We're normal people just living our best lives as much as anyone else can. And you living your most authentic life, and what that means for all of us. So I really appreciate you and I appreciate that your platform and your podcast exist because you're right, the voices, they need to be heard.

[15:20] And the nice thing about how you were saying the entertainment industry is pretty progressive, you know, pretty open. Being a gay Latino is like, okay, I am. And I am right-handed, right? Doesn't matter. But when you go back to la familia, la cultura, it's a little bit of a different story, and I think you're both gay and child free, so you get the double whammy.

[15:44] How has that shaped you? Like was there friction in your family on either side of that, either of those two facets of you?

[15:52] Fede: I love that question. Thank you. Because it's something I've been dealing with my whole life. Like I am perpetually like a split personality or dealing with split issues. Because you just said two huge ones, but number one, I was shaped by two amazing countries.

[16:09] Born in Mexico, raised in Canada. Very proud of both. But I was dealing with that duality, right? And then, within the Latino culture, you know the Catholicism, I was raised in a deeply Catholic home. My mom's really open-minded, love her. We have an amazing relationship. I've always felt welcomed. But the conflict of like what the Catholic Church says and what I represent. And then now another tier that I won't have kids either, right?

[16:36] Because I could be adopting as well. So it's, it just keeps getting more and more complicated too. With that, I keep rebeling what am I gonna do next?

[16:45] Paulette: ¿Quien sabe?, but I'm here for it!

[16:49] Fede: That's a whole other podcast. But yeah, so it's, that experience has shaped me in both good and bad because there's so much freedom.

[17:00] At one point, you know, you just realize how lucky you are because you do get to have the freedom to do so many cool things. Right. I think the extended career break that I took, being able to take my time to build a podcast, investing in myself, I wouldn't be able to do that if I had responsibilities.

[17:20] Paulette: Yeah.

[17:21] Fede: Like a child, obviously. Yeah.

[17:22] Paulette: So you are living your best life.

[17:24] Fede: I am. You love that term, but it was, it is funny. I told that story before to see how kind of the evolution of what the podcast title.

[17:32] Paulette: Yeah. No, but it is great. It is great that you feel that you are your most authentic self because you know, how long did it take to get there?

[17:39] Fede: Honestly, it was this huge transformational journey because why aren't we taught all these courses before, like in university? Like self-compassion, like learning to love yourself. I wish I had learned all of that at university. Because here I was just, you know, two years ago learning that through my personal development work, you know, how to be self-compassionate, how, how to not be hard on myself.

[18:07] And rewiring myself. So during my career break I did three things, uh, every day. So it was like I had a little routine and it filled my day. It was self-care one. And I know you spoke about self-care recently on, you know, on, on your social media platform and what it's not, it's not going to the spa, right?

[18:26] Kinda

[18:27] Paulette: It can be, but also...

[18:29] Fede: Exactly, so I'll tell you the three quickly, self-care, explore, reimagine. So self-care, for example, is, you know, like I said, it can be going to the spa, but for me it was like every day would be different. It'd be like, you know what, I'm gonna go see the sunrise. And because I had no job to go to, I'd be 9:00 AM 8: 30, I'm, you know, the sunrise would be like an hour of me or however long it took for me to be in my, in my own thoughts, think, listen to a podcast, read a book.

[18:53] So that was just kind of like, that was my self-care with all the notifications off by the way, that was self-care. Like you don't have to be available to WhatsApp, you know, 24 7. I said, I'm just give you a broad example then. Number two, similar day, you know, explore. So it was just kind of like everyday, make sure that I did something that was outta the ordinary. Take the long way home.

[19:14] Or once you're in that space of a career break, you're open to meeting new people. So if I randomly would meet someone on a, like new people coming to my life and they were good energy, I'd be like a Tuesday. Be like, do you, I wanna go to cenote. I'm like, yeah, let's go to cenote Explore. I'll just go for three hours.

[19:29] And then the third one, reimagine was huge because those are what I call all the, and I talk about this on the podcast a lot, the strong Rs. So every day, imagine for a year and a half, I worked on rewiring, rethinking, reassessing, re-engineering, retooling. And all of that made me look at the world in a much different way, because we've been taught you should be this, you should be like that.

[19:55] You should have a house, you should have a car. You should have two kids. You should, should, should, should, should, should. And then finally, I was just kind of, no be as you should or as you are. And I accepted myself. I'm gonna live as I am, you know, not as I should be. And that's how that was a journey to my most authentic self.

[20:13] Paulette: It must have been so liberating to just accept yourself as you are, knowing that you have so much potential and you'll see yourself there in the future, but just loving yourself as you are. That's gotta be like the ultimate in adulting, you know, like you've reached the top of the mountain in the acceptance of yourself as a person, as the world as it exists? What was that like?

[20:37] Fede: Yes. Well, you know, we're, we're not on video, but as you were saying that, I was responding with my chest. So I was like, I was, yes. And my, my chest was saying yes, yes, yes. Because it was a body feeling, you know, you could just, you could say words like, liberating, freedom.

[20:54] Of course they are. But at the end of the day, it became, and I still experience it today, it's like a daily kind of body feeling, which I kind of associate now with gratitude. So that's what that feeling was. It was gratitude. I'm like, wow. So this is what it's like to be you. Wow.

[21:13] Paulette: And what a great reaction. Wow. This is what it's like to be you. Wow. Like this is who I get to be. That's amazing. I think that our listeners really listen closely to this because he is also talking about not just the intellectual part of recognizing yourself and all your accomplishments. It's being in the body that you inhabit, and your head's just a very small part of that entire body that you get to be in, that it is a privilege to live in and love, ¿verdad?.

[21:47] Fede: Yes, si. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. Beautiful. It's beautiful.

[21:52] Paulette: It is beautiful, but it's not easy.

[21:54] Fede: No, no, no. It, it's a daily practice.

[21:57] Paulette: Yeah. It's a practice, something you constantly work on, like a meditation practice. It's something that you just have to consistently do.

[22:05] Fede: And that's why I said earlier that it was healthy to disappear because you need to kind of reset and we're not always able to do this. So in everyday life, you know, if, if you're not able to disappear for whatever reason, then there's gonna be always external factors that may try to draw you back in. Right. So that's the challenging part, to stand your ground.

[22:28] Paulette: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

[22:29] Yeah. Because as you're shedding the old layers of yourself, there's gonna be people who, like that person who are comfortable with that person, even though that may no longer be you.

[22:41] So, you know, sometimes there's a real... I don't wanna use the term Come to Jesus, but can even cause friction in relationships. Because what if everyone around you isn't ready for that? Or isn't ready to do that work themselves? And it's scary and weird to them and that's kind of reflecting, like you are this big mirror to everyone around you who's not ready to see it.

[23:05] Did you experience any of that kind of friction?

[23:07] Fede: Yeah. Well, you said two things there that I totally connect with the shedding part. Yeah, I, you know, I felt like she had like a metamorphosis, you know, like I was like mutating into like a same outer shell, but I was literally mutating into like a different person. So shedding, shedding.

[23:25] And the comfort part is such a huge thing to talk about because keep saying this quote, and I'll say it over and over. It's my takeaway from my transformational journey is that, would you rather live a comfortable lie or an uncomfortable truth? And that when I wrapped my head around the power of that. The comfort of a corporate job, all the perks that came with it, the lifestyle that I thought, you know, was a really cool dream job to have versus living your truth and then the choice is really clear,

[24:06] Paulette: Fede makes a really good point here. So let's make it the question of the week, which you can answer directly in Spotify if you're listening there or even on YouTube. Otherwise, feel free to comment in the post or just email me. The question is, Would you rather live a comfortable lie or live an uncomfortable truth?

[24:25] The answer isn't as black and white as you might first think it is. The options are a comfortable lie or an uncomfortable truth. Which one would you choose?

[24:34] Yeah. When you can change the metrics by which you measure your own success, and, and I know what you're talking about, when like you get access to people, you get access to power, the movers and the shakers of our culture, that's a little addicting too.

[24:50] Plus it comes with a nice paycheck and some nice material things. And when you no longer measure your success against those factors, you know, life looks a lot different, right? It looks a lot different. But we're not taught in school like you were talking about earlier, to appreciate those kinds of successes.

[25:11] Because why? Because that doesn't make you a good little worker bee in our society. It makes you question norms, which people are not very comfortable with you doing. The powers that be don't like it when we question the way power structures are. Why does patriarchy exist like this? Why does white supremacy rule every single portion of our lives?

[25:35] You know, they don't like those questions. They want you to just fall in line. Work for 60, 70 years and then drop dead.

[25:42] Fede: Yes, yes, yes.

[25:43] Paulette: And in the meantime, amass as many spoils as you can so you can show your neighbors the Joneses, how successful you are! And all for what? Life is richer than that, when you step out of that constriction.

[25:59] Fede: Yes, yes. Everything that you just said, I've been through and I've experienced so many things there, you said that connect with, I mean, the material handcuffs, right?

[26:10] Paulette: Oh yeah. The golden handcuffs.

[26:11] Fede: The lifestyle inflation, right? Because when it comes, oh, well now I have this house. I have to keep up that, and then I have a membership to this and I have to keep up that.

[26:19] And what will people think if I give up that or if I don't drive this kind of car. It just comes in waves. But I think that was the beauty, I think of the transformational journey that I had for the past few years was that by disappearing, I was able to reset and see, and I, I downsized so many things, the size of my apartment, the clothing. You know, do I really need, you know, seven blazers?

[26:43] Like, do I really need, like, you know, all those pairs of shoes that look almost exactly the same? I was able to be more minimalist.

[26:50] Paulette: More intentional.

[26:51] Fede: More intentional. Yeah. Great word. Yeah.

[26:53] Paulette: And I know a lot of people talk about this and it's really easy to dismiss it as just bullshit, but you're living it.

[27:00] You're actively living more minimalist lifestyle that isn't measuring success against how big your paycheck is or who you get access to, or you know what party you're going to tonight. I'm sure you still go to parties. So you're proof, you're the proof in the pudding that this can happen and you're happy.

[27:19] Fede: Yes, and I'm happy and hey, like life is a long journey. So it's not like I've gotten through the challenges yet. Right. Because yeah, I have like, so for example, I'm relocating back to Canada just because it's time for me to reconnect. You know, the, the beauty about my new life is that it's flexible. You know, I know what relocating, moving somewhere no longer means moving forever.

[27:39] Right? But it's time to go. Miss my mom. Connect with my friends. I have such deep roots over there. So then it would be like, well, maybe, you know, the financial plan there is different. So do I need to maybe get some sort of work? Maybe yes, but it won't be anything like I used to have, right? Because now I'm coming at it with two years of a transformational experience and with an a fresh perspective.

[28:03] Paulette: And all of that to say that finances aren't important. Keeping a roof over your head is important. Like we're not trying to dismiss the fact that making money is important. It's how important ?Like do you live to work, or work to live? Right?

[28:16] Fede: Exactly. Yeah.

[28:18] Paulette: Well, Fede, I wanna thank you so much for imparting all this beautiful wisdom on my listeners. I really hope you pick up some more listeners cuz I love your podcast.

[28:27] I love you. You have the nicest smile. And just trust me, if you were to meet this man in person, if you were privileged enough to meet this man in person, he just radiates goodness. He just radiate goodness. Is there anything else you wanted to share before we

[28:40] wrap up?

[28:41] Fede: Thank you for that, Paulette. Thank you for having me here.

[28:43] Likewise, your energy. I think I really connected with your energy. That Zoom call we had for the podcast collab, but I also, when I saw you in person and this conversation has been amazing. It's been a really awesome conversation to have with you. So thank you. Thank you so much.

[28:58] You're very welcome. And I don't think this is gonna be our last one.

[29:01] No, definitely not everybody out there. Thank you for listening. And that's a burrito.

[29:09] Do you got something to say about this week's episode? DM me on Instagram at Paulette Erato. And if you'd like to be a guest on La Vida Más Chévere, check out the guest form on my website at PauletteErato.com. All of these links are in the show notes.

[29:23] While you're at it, can I ask you a favor? I'd really appreciate your helping spread awareness about the podcast. So could you please share it on your socials or even send it to a friend? New episodes come out every other Tuesday. You can enjoy them with tacos or burritos. Muchísimas gracias for your support, y hasta la próxima vez, ¡cuidate bien!